"Catharsis"

"Chief of the Watch! What is the word of the day?"
"The word of the day, Sir is 'Catharsis'."
"Thank You Chief."

Catharsis.

How many more times am I going to say it? Until it stops feeling good. Until it stops feeling right.

2007, the Year of Catharsis.

Catharsis and learning. Learning so many things about myself. Learning the "Who, What, When, Where, Why and How" of it all. All about me.

At last finding my course again.

Finding my way back to the beginning of it all. The sources of the bitter taste in my mouth, my bitterness and inability to give what I have and what I need to give. To accept what I have unconditionally been given and accept it unconditionally.

Entirely too cryptic. I know. I apologize. There are two readers that know what I'm talking about and the rest of you are smart enough to realize that 2007 has been a helluva tough year here in Mudville.

I have been Bach'ing it again. Hard to recoup old skills when you've been as spoiled as I have been. I.E. I've got a fresh made pizza waiting for the oven to preheat but apparently I spilled something in the oven and the house is so full of smoke that I need radar to find my way from the bedroom to the kitchen. Even with the windows open and 40 degrees outside.

Living solo is not really the point of learning and catharsis. When the "Beautiful Brown Eyed Girl" and I get past this 'Divide and Conquer' period I'll just be that much stronger and better equipped to carry my weight.

LEARNING... The revelations, epiphanies, epiphan-ettes and startling realizations about myself. About the 5W's of why I am the man I am. More importantly why I have not become the man I should be.

Realizations and decisions. I think it's been said that I wound up an aircraft mechanic by accident. Didn't have a better idea at the time. I didn't have a better idea because by the time I was 23 years old I had already lost sight of what had always been important to me. I spent the next twenty-odd years fortifying myself against what I wanted all along. Make sense? Of Course Not.

I didn't do it consciously but it may still have been deliberate. Something about the way I was raised.

Again, you ask, "Does he HAVE a point?"

Yeah, this time I do. I have seen the light Brothers and Sisters in this cosmic journey!

All I needed was a little sleep deprivation it seems. All at once yesterday things just came flying back. Swarming faster than I could keep up. So I started typing a short note to the Architect. Soon it was clear that the "Beautiful Brown Eyed Girl'' HAD to hear this too.

It boils down to the 5W's. Who, What When, Where, Why and How. THAT's what I studied. That's what I wanted to do. That's part of what I lost sight of. I must have been really deluded by the tri-chloro-ethelyne in the dry cleaners. Maybe that's why I didn't have a better idea. Because I stoned and forgot!!!!

Those of you that have slogged bravely through these sporadic and erratic posts will be aghast at the point of this all.

I want to be a writer when I grow up!!!

That's what I wanted thirty years ago. That and a house in the hills. That and an inside dog. And KIDS and FRIENDS and a WIFE and for all of them to be happy, healthy, successful, proud of themselves and proud of their family. Hell, I even had the PERFECT WOMAN!!! DUH!!! The "Beautiful Brown Eyed Girl"!

I haven't been thrilled with the airplane gig for a long time. I kept looking to other things. Then it hit me, go back to the beginning knuckle-head.

Arrrrghh Charlie Brown. It's time to go back to school. Hold onto the airplane gig. Take advantage of the bene's including school assistance. Keep writing something everyday. Good, Bad or Indifferent, write.

"...their naked ears were tortured... tales of brave blog readers..." My apologies to Mr Clapton.